Dear Politicians

Is anybody besides me getting tired of hearing what "the American people" want?

Seriously.

From the right, from the left, from the ostensible middle... all we hear about is what "the American people" want, and how whoever it is who is utilizing that much overworked phrase is doing whatever it is they're doing for the sole benefit of such.

As an actual "American people", I feel it's time to respond.

Dear Politicians,

Stop pretending that we are a giant homogenous group that actually wants a particular this or that. We're not. For the most part, we wish to be left alone to go about our lives.

Quit acting like narcissistic parents, telling your children that everything you do is for them, even though it might not seem like it at the time. We've heard this story so many times that we know exactly where it is headed. So don't even bother explaining how a snowshoe is actually the same thing as a snowmobile. Oddly enough, we know the difference.

Matter of fact (and I know this is really, really hard) quit treating us like your children entirely. We're not. And don't want to be. And never did.

We don't want to be protected by you, nor coddled. We're grown ups. Many of our ancestors came across the frontier, living in sod houses and fighting Indians. Some of our ancestors were the Indians, fighting the settlers. Some of our ancestors came here chained together in the dank holds of slave ships. And so on.

The point is, most of us come from a long line of bad asses. Okay?

Furthermore... we don't really like you very much. Never did. Sorry if that tears you all up inside.

And we know that most of you don't really give a rat's ass about us... until you want our money or our vote. We also know that our money and our vote doesn't mean nearly as much as the money and votes from any of your corporate sponsors. 

So cut the crap.


Let's get real.

We know most of you want power and money. And we're actually pretty okay with that. We know those are powerful drugs, and we're willing to enable your indulgence in your addiction.

All we expect in return is basic government services from a basic government.

For this we are willing to pay basic taxes. (We are smart enough, btw, to figure out that rich people can afford to pay more than poor people... I know America is slipping behind in education, but most of us did get through second grade.)

We also know that calling bullshit organic fertilizer doesn't change its basic qualities. So please quit shoveling it at us, no matter what you're calling it.

Fact is, other than those few basics, you probably can't get any of us to agree on anything.

So just do your job. You wanted it, you got it.

Enjoy.

And good luck.